Juggling 2 boys & staying positive :)

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My mom tells me the Lord knows…

He knew that Lennon’s personality fit best as the first little rascal of our family…

that Ellington is perfectly made to be number 2.

Sometimes ok a lot of times I feel guilty.

guilty I don’t have the time to sit and stare at my baby all day long.

Guilty that my 2 year old has to entertain himself a lot of the day while I nurse.

guilty that I am not as excited for the little firsts as I feel I was with Lennon.

guilty that I have to spilt my time.

guilty cause I never feel I spilt it evenly.

guilt.

worry.

Worry im not loving either of them the right way.

worry that one or the other will feel neglected or left out.

worry that I cant handle that which the Lord has given me.

Worry that I am some how going to lead them in the wrong direction.

AHHH!!!!!

Satan is gonna be the death of me.

literally.

So I am deciding right here & right now to nip his sorry rear in the bud.

The Lord knows exactly what each of us mama’s can handle.

He would not have blessed me with these two precious gifts if he didn’t beleive I could do it…

and do a darn good job at that.

So take that.

This is a go me post.

Nope.

Def don’t have it together.

Def. let Lennon watch too much Buzz somedays.

Def. get anxious…nervous…worrisome…mad…angry…stressed….defeated most days.

but what mom doesn’t feel every single stinking one of these emotions.

I have decided to just put it right on out there that we all do.

whether we are going to admit it or not.

I am just choosing to admit it.

I would not for even one second…

think of doing anything else…

than raising and loving these two precious children with all of my heart.

Thank you Lord for entrusting them to me…

now PLEASE give me the strength- energy & wisdom to do it right.

luckily I have am pretty fantastic man right along side of me.

Props to all of you single parents our there.

You guys are my heros.

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.

So this is my…

brutally honest…

I don’t have it all…

or even most of it…

together post :)

Hope you find a deep breath in these words!

love to every momma out there.

and a big fat hug.

you’re doing great.

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5 Responses to “Juggling 2 boys & staying positive :)”

  1. amy Says:

    wow girl, thanks for your honesty. i’ve only been a mom for 5 weeks now, but i’ve already felt so many of those emotions. i honestly cannot imagine doing this with a toddler running around! you are so right for kicking satan in the butt! you totally go, girl :)

  2. Jeff Sheets Says:

    ….and the secret to GROWTH and FREEDOM is OUT….CONFESSION and asking the Lord to give us strength in the midst of our weakness….to take our meager 2 fish and 5 loaves and produce a bountiful meal to feed thousands….to take our love and work THROUGH US to raise incredible children……like YOU BEKAH! I am so proud of you and Nolan…..Make War on the floor….pray. Pappa

  3. Bethany Armstrong Says:

    Oh Beka, it’s like you wrote these words right out of my mouth!! With 3 little ones, Randy on the road the majority of the time, and working full-time… I feel Satan dragging me down TOO often!! Thanks for your honesty and letting all mommies know that it’s ok to feel guilty, worrisome, and defeated at times. We’re only human… and God is our strength :)

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